What Parents Can Do For Their Children
Talk with your children
Do not yell at them. If they can trust you to help them solve problems, they will not need to seek solace elsewhere. If talking is difficult, write letters to each other.
Share Experiences
Have family meals together and discuss your day. Sharing experiences reinforces ties - children learn how to deal with problems, and you will learn about their achievements.
Be slow to blame and quick to praise
Most children are not singled out for good behaviour, only for bad. It is almost a cliché for counsellors that a lot of errant behaviour is a cry for attention. Look for opportunities to praise: adults often fail to notice how hard children try to please them.
Support your children when they encounter failure
Try helping your children with homework, and you will understand the difficulties they face in school.
Recognise your children's talents
Many children who are doing poorly in school may be gifted in other ways. One father, whose son was in the monolingual stream, said the boy could remember every detail of the warplanes in a book he had read. Yet the father's earlier perception of the boy as being stupid had affected the boy's self-esteem and he performed accordingly. If a child is not doing well, talk to teachers and counsellors to find out what specific help he needs.
Explain things
If you are fostering your children out at a very young age, make your reasons clear to them. Tell them that you are trying to do the best for them. Negotiate what you want from each other. If he wants you to spend more time with him, he may not mean that you should sit at home reading the newspaper while he plays with his toys.
Give time to your family
Make sure you set aside one day per week (or every two weeks) for communicating with your spouse, one day where the kids can have an outing just with Mum, another day just with Dad. Stick to the days, and try your best to communicate with each other during those times.
Shield them from your marital problems
Avoid the temptation to confide your problems, especially a partner's marital infidelity, to your children. Seek counselling on how to resolve the problems. If you are divorced, do not make your child feel guilty about his love for the other parent, or use him as a weapon against the other. The psychological and emotional damage to the child may be catastrophic.
Stop battering your child
If you or your spouse is battering your children, seek help from counsellors. You may be venting suppressed anger from your own violent childhood.
Where to seek help
Community Development Ministry's Counselling and Advice Section:
- Family problems: 63506216, 63506220
- Child abuse: 63506260
- Financial Assistance: 63506276
- Children's Day Care: 63506260
- Counselling and Care Centre: 63377748
